How Struggling Against Anxiety Actually Makes it Worse

I'll never forget calling my mom on the phone at 22 years old, while driving down I-95. "I don't want to scare you, but I think I'm having a panic attack."

At least I hoped it was a panic attack, and I wasn't dying, which is what it felt like....

I was dizzy, my hands were shaking, my heart was racing out of my chest, and I was sure that I couldn't breathe. It truly was one of the scarier moments of my life. I pulled over and called 911. Full of fear and shame, I explained to the first responders that I was sure something was wrong. Sure enough, everything checked out and I was sent on my way with the explanation that I was likely experiencing an anxiety or panic attack.

Here's the thing...

That was comforting in the moment, but the first panic attack opens the flood gates to living in fear of experiencing another one. Because I, like many others, didn't know how to drop the struggle with anxiety, I lived in fear of experiencing another panic attack.

I went on to struggle with anxiety for some time during that big transition from college to the real world and here's what I know now, that I wish I would have known then:

The physical and emotional sensation of anxiety is SO uncomfortable, but anxiety alone can't hurt you.

It's our struggle with the discomfort of anxiety that makes it that much worse.

• That might sound like:

  • "Ive got to make this stop, this is so uncomfortable!" 

  • "What's wrong with me, is this a stroke or heart attack?

A secondary emotion from the struggle with the discomfort then arises: often it's fear, panic, anger, hopelessness, etc.

These secondary emotions further exacerbate the pain and discomfort of the experience. Now we aren't just anxious, we are panicked and angry.

This sudden and intense increase in physical and emotional pain typically impacts behavior in a way that the natural discomfort of anxiety alone, would not.

• That might look like: 

  • showing up late to work or important events, treating loved ones unkindly, avoiding activities that make life meaningful, or using substances to cope.


If anxiety and panic are something that you struggle with, I strongly encourage you to find a mental health counselor in your area to help support you.

In the meantime, one of the foundational skills that I find most important is NOTICING and NAMING your experience.

Without this awareness of your inner world, particularly in challenging moments, you are in autopilot and hijacked by you painful thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.

So start by noticing your inner world:
I'm noticing _________ in my body.
I'm having the thought that_____.
I am feeling______.
Name your experience for what it is:
This is what anxiety feels like.
I am experiencing anxiety.

Naming our experience has a way of containing it a bit. We aren't distracting ourselves from it, or willing it away, just gently noticing what this feels like.

Gently remind yourself: the discomfort of anxiety alone cannot hurt me.